June 20, 2021. The worst day of my life. The final episode of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” was released. I had no idea what to do with myself. How was I meant to learn about the most influential people in my life after this? How was I supposed to… you know… keep up? Good thing we have Penelope Disick, Kourtney’s daughter, who is basically feeding the world with Kardashian Kontent. All hail the Kueen. 

    It’s truly a shame there is no more “KUWTK” because there is so much going on in the family. For starters, loyal Scourtney shippers have been stabbed in the back, and this time it’s for real. Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker has popped the question to Kourt. They’re engaged. I honestly want to skip over this breaking news because I am still grieving. I mean, Kourtney and Scott were together for like ever. I feel like I watched their love story on television all those years. They have three children together. I was just praying their on again off again phase would fizzle out and Scott would be the one to get down on one knee. Sike. Apparently it’s Travis she’s in love with. I feel like I’ve been “Punk’D”. Sincerely, a die-hard shipper of Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick. 

   It seems as though Kim was a little jealous of her big sister’s new tatted, “ugly hot” boyfriend, and decided she wanted one, too. I guess for the Kardashians it truly is as easy as purchasing one on Amazon. The internet calls this the “Pete Davidson effect.” This was set in motion when Pete started dating Ariana Grande and everyone went…huh? This completely spiraled. He was dating people that were scientifically out of his league, and people wanted to know how he did it. His latest catch is the one and only Kim Kardashian. Pete Davidson. Yeah, I know. I refuse to put them in the same sentence, but it is true, they are the newest, hottest couple. Kim has made a few lifestyle changes since changing her Facebook relationship status, including shopping at outlet malls and watching movies at Staten Island theaters. A step down from Gucci and massaging recliners in your at-home theater, don’t you think Kim? Humble looks good on you, I guess. 

   I would ask how North is coping, but I already know! My favorite Kardashians are now the children. P and North have both blown up on TikTok, posting their house tours and top secret information reserved for the FBI agents of Gen Z (basically just Swifties). When I say secret information, I mean we noticed Kanye still has a stocking. Shocker. Fun fact, the children also wake up to a pianist playing Christmas music. Happy Holidays nepotism babies. 

    Khloé…All I have to say is you’re a way better person than me. I choose to leave his name out for personal reasons, but I don’t have to take the high road. I can give him a piece of my mind if you’d like. 

   Clearly, with or without the show, the Kardashians will always give us something to talk about. I wouldn’t worry though, the devil works hard, but Kris Jenner works harder. “The Kardashians,” coming to Hulu very soon.